blame the full moon

i'm so cranky right now. and i really have no idea why.

actually, i do, but admitting it is going to make me sound like a bitter woman.

of all the things i could be doing instead of pouting, like working out, or cleaning my room, or even just unloading my phone's inbox, nothing sounds worth my while.

pms sucks.

i should eat some ice cream. ooh! haagen-dazs mayan chocolate. yum! it's not cheat day today, but aren't you suppposed to get a free pass on bleedy days? no? fine, i don't even like ice cream.

though maybe if i had just eaten a whole gallon of it while crying my eyes out watching serendipity in the first place, i wouldn't be so hostile right now.

every little thing is getting on my nerves, from an honest mistake made by an otherwise innocent student of mine, to the fact that my simpleton brother accidentally reformatted our old pc last night. i'm holding on to grudges and creating imaginary fights in my head.

i probably just need to go back to sleep.

maybe that will chill me out and help me resist the urge to claw someone's eyes out. or maybe i can just dream about it and be happy that way.

it's worth a try. i know tomorrow will be a better day.

i rest my case

"you look like your mom." arggh! i always get that remark from people eversince i was a kid. when i was 10, i took that as a compliment. but now i'm 22, good heavens, it ain't funny anymore. don't get me wrong. i really love and admire my mom. but being her "mini-me" is so not my thing. [look, if you really want to compliment the features i inherited from her, you can simply say, "you're beautiful, like your mom." that's more palatable.] and besides, i don't really look like her. we may have similar features and characteristics but i take a firm stand, we're different. in a lot of ways, like:

1. she's 5'7", i'm only 5'2". [yea sure. laugh 'til your face turns blue. at least my waist line's 26. hers is 36. wahahaha!]

2. her skin is much fairer than mine. [but honestly, she's envious of my being morena. that's true. i heard her say that in my dreams.]

3. she's definitely got those perfect pair of dimples, and i don't. [call it whatever you want, for me it's just an abnormal concavity on the skin. no thanks.]

okay, now you got the point. all that i'm saying is [since it's mother's day today] you're more beautiful than me, mom. [but hey! mother's day comes only once a year.] bleh!

seriously, i gladly accept our differences, mom. i love you for who you are and thanks for loving me for who i am. you'll always be my favorite mom in the whole world. [as if i have a choice.] bleh bleh!

minding the little people

i added one item on my prayer list today. the little people. they are the people who don't have much in life. people who get so consumed with their simple lives, they don't anymore care to aspire for more.

mom shared to me her experiences on how she takes care of these people. i also want to have my own share of altruistic deeds for them.

i may be at my weakest at this moment. but i know i should forget about myself in the mean time. like what mom always say, i get to lift up my life everytime i lift up others'.

so my burden is to dream. but this time, not just for myself. but also for these little people.

daddy's girl?

i remember, when i was a little girl, my dad..

. would always do 100 brush strokes to my long black hair every night, before i sleep. he said i shouldn't miss a night so that my hair will stay untangled and shiny. [until rebonding was invented. hehe.]
. would wake me up with a hug so tight forgetting that he just did when he bade me sweet dreams, the night before, after combing my hair.
. would read stories to me, as a reward, when i finish my homework early.
. would give me all the coins in his pocket, everytime he has. eventhough he knows that i'll just spend it all on candies [and miss dinner because of it.]
. would pick me up, everytime i trip up, and cradle me on his lap until i stop crying.

and i remember, when i was not so little..

. he'd wake me up so early on saturdays and force me to help with the chores at home.
. he'd implement dictatorship and not allow me to watch tv on weekdays.
. he'd not let me go out wearing shorts.
. he'd spank me with his belt, until i cry for mercy, each time i did something wrong intentionally. [provoking my brother for me then was fun and spontaneous. hehe. evil me.]
. he'd not leave the dining table until i finish all the food on my plate. especially the green, leafy ones. [i don't consider them food then.]

my dear dad. i miss him. especially now that he's out on a business trip. and now that i'm a little bigger, [and i think i won't get any bigger] i get more tough coaching from him than when i was just growing. but i believe i'm still her little girl. always needing his consoling, cradling arms. and i bet, he knows that.