thinking aloud

blame the full moon

2006-05-19T13:10:00.000+08:00

i'm so cranky right now. and i really have no idea why.

actually, i do, but admitting it is going to make me sound like a bitter woman.

of all the things i could be doing instead of pouting, like working out, or cleaning my room, or even just unloading my phone's inbox, nothing sounds worth my while.

pms sucks.

i should eat some ice cream. ooh! haagen-dazs mayan chocolate. yum! it's not cheat day today, but aren't you suppposed to get a free pass on bleedy days? no? fine, i don't even like ice cream.

though maybe if i had just eaten a whole gallon of it while crying my eyes out watching serendipity in the first place, i wouldn't be so hostile right now.

every little thing is getting on my nerves, from an honest mistake made by an otherwise innocent student of mine, to the fact that my simpleton brother accidentally reformatted our old pc last night. i'm holding on to grudges and creating imaginary fights in my head.

i probably just need to go back to sleep.

maybe that will chill me out and help me resist the urge to claw someone's eyes out. or maybe i can just dream about it and be happy that way.

it's worth a try. i know tomorrow will be a better day.

i rest my case

2006-05-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

"you look like your mom." arggh! i always get that remark from people eversince i was a kid. when i was 10, i took that as a compliment. but now i'm 22, good heavens, it ain't funny anymore. don't get me wrong. i really love and admire my mom. but being her "mini-me" is so not my thing. [look, if you really want to compliment the features i inherited from her, you can simply say, "you're beautiful, like your mom." that's more palatable.] and besides, i don't really look like her. we may have similar features and characteristics but i take a firm stand, we're different. in a lot of ways, like:

1. she's 5'7", i'm only 5'2". [yea sure. laugh 'til your face turns blue. at least my waist line's 26. hers is 36. wahahaha!]

2. her skin is much fairer than mine. [but honestly, she's envious of my being morena. that's true. i heard her say that in my dreams.]

3. she's definitely got those perfect pair of dimples, and i don't. [call it whatever you want, for me it's just an abnormal concavity on the skin. no thanks.]

okay, now you got the point. all that i'm saying is [since it's mother's day today] you're more beautiful than me, mom. [but hey! mother's day comes only once a year.] bleh!

seriously, i gladly accept our differences, mom. i love you for who you are and thanks for loving me for who i am. you'll always be my favorite mom in the whole world. [as if i have a choice.] bleh bleh!

minding the little people

2006-05-09T10:46:00.000+08:00

i added one item on my prayer list today. the little people. they are the people who don't have much in life. people who get so consumed with their simple lives, they don't anymore care to aspire for more.

mom shared to me her experiences on how she takes care of these people. i also want to have my own share of altruistic deeds for them.

i may be at my weakest at this moment. but i know i should forget about myself in the mean time. like what mom always say, i get to lift up my life everytime i lift up others'.

so my burden is to dream. but this time, not just for myself. but also for these little people.

daddy's girl?

2006-05-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

i remember, when i was a little girl, my dad..

. would always do 100 brush strokes to my long black hair every night, before i sleep. he said i shouldn't miss a night so that my hair will stay untangled and shiny. [until rebonding was invented. hehe.]
. would wake me up with a hug so tight forgetting that he just did when he bade me sweet dreams, the night before, after combing my hair.
. would read stories to me, as a reward, when i finish my homework early.
. would give me all the coins in his pocket, everytime he has. eventhough he knows that i'll just spend it all on candies [and miss dinner because of it.]
. would pick me up, everytime i trip up, and cradle me on his lap until i stop crying.

and i remember, when i was not so little..

. he'd wake me up so early on saturdays and force me to help with the chores at home.
. he'd implement dictatorship and not allow me to watch tv on weekdays.
. he'd not let me go out wearing shorts.
. he'd spank me with his belt, until i cry for mercy, each time i did something wrong intentionally. [provoking my brother for me then was fun and spontaneous. hehe. evil me.]
. he'd not leave the dining table until i finish all the food on my plate. especially the green, leafy ones. [i don't consider them food then.]

my dear dad. i miss him. especially now that he's out on a business trip. and now that i'm a little bigger, [and i think i won't get any bigger] i get more tough coaching from him than when i was just growing. but i believe i'm still her little girl. always needing his consoling, cradling arms. and i bet, he knows that.

day-dreamin'

2006-04-30T16:42:00.000+08:00

daydreams soothe my soul. it's a temporary escape from the mundane world. in my daydreams, colors are brighter and my thoughts paint the scene beautifully.

i'm currently day-dreaming about going to the beach..

wow! what a scene.. just you wait. soon i'll be in that picture. Ü

kids say the darnest things

2006-04-29T02:59:00.000+08:00

today is saturday. it’s been more than a week since the swimming lessons started. i still can’t believe i’m teaching swimming. but what appalled me the most are the words coming from the kids spur-of-the-moment-ly during class. here’s my top list. some of them are funny while some made me ask myself the question, "should i really be teaching swimming?"

1. brina, 7 years old. she introduced her self by saying:

“teacher nina, you know why i like swimming? – because in swimming, i get to see the boys take off their shirt.”

ho my golly! wonder what i was telling my teacher when i was seven.

2. emilio, 6 years old. i was in front of him, holding his hands while he’s doing bubbles.

“teacher, i can see the insides of your nose."

stop imagining things, emilio. now close your eyes and focus!

3. nathan, 7 years old. i asked him to do ten bubbles after finishing a lap of freestyle kick. he refused and said:

“i don’t wanna do bubbles, teacher. i have plenty of booger inside my nose.”

that’s the point!

4. rica, 14 years old. before yesterday’s class started, she discreetly told me:

“miss, can you help me put in a tampon?"

um, like how would i help you? sweetie, trust me, you don’t need my help. let me just tell you how. it’s rather simple really. just inhale it like how you would with any other inhaler.

5. rafael, 7 years old. he was sobbing inconsolably when he thought his classmate intentionally tried to drown him. his words were:

“teacher, she made me lunod.”

i cried with him after hearing that.

those kids. they brighten up the gloomy days of my teaching career. three more sessions and my dialogues with them will be over. ten years from now, i swear, i’ll look for them and have them read this blog.

push

2006-04-16T01:52:00.000+08:00

every time i look at you the world just melts away
all my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affection
you’ve seen me at my weakest but you take me as i am
and when i fall you offer me a softer place to land

i get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
no matter what i say or do ‘cause you’re too good to fight about it
even when i have to push just to see how far you’ll go
you won’t stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

love is just the antidote when nothing else can cure me
there are times i can’t decide when i can’t tell up from down
you make me feel less crazy when otherwise i’d drown
but you pick me up and brush me off and tell me i’m okay
sometimes that’s just what we need to get us through the day

you stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
you’re the one true thing i know i can believe in

high hopes

2006-04-14T16:47:00.000+08:00

things don't always turn out the way we hope. we start out with the best of intentions, but somewhere along the line something unexpected happens.

we may make the best of plans, map out a strategy to the tiniest detail, and seemingly do everything right, yet the final outcome can still fall short of our expectations.

if we don't live up to our high hopes, do we abandon them? no. we keep stretching that much more. we try a little harder next time. our dreams may not come true today, but they may tomorrow. or perhaps an even better dream will come true.